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Joke of the Day

"My life is just like Black Swan, except replace ballet with reruns of Teen Mom and Mila Kunis with a carton of ice cream."

"I'm never more ruthless than when deciding who to wish a happy birthday to on Facebook and who to ignore."

"You all like dinosaurs...right? What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? ***A thesaurus***"

"Why do vegans hate themselves? They are animal products."

"There are two cavemen sitting by a fire... One is eating some bugs he found, and he says to the other, ""You like beetles?"" and his friend says, ""No,*CRUNCH CRUNCH*, me more of a stones guy."""

"TEXT ""TEXT"" TO TEXT TO DONATE A TEXT TO TEXT"

"I wouldn't say I hate my dad... But I can't deny he's a real motherfucker."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? Marque and reprisal."

"It's like my Uncle said, no body, no crime Coworker: I only asked how your weekend was..."

"If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, he still tries to play it off like he meant it so the other trees don't laugh."