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Joke of the Day

"My life is like a romantic comedy except there's no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes."

"So it's legal to sleep on a pillow but illegal to hold it over someone's face until they die? Ugh, government"

"I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis. I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her."

"Seal loses electron Did you hear about the seal that lost an electron? It's now a seal ion."

"Life is stupid. You can ACCIDENTALLY make a baby but you can't ACCIDENTALLY make a cake."

"I guess one thing can be said about the election... It was allright."

"It seems women are not content with just being women these days. First there was Beyonce with ""If I was a boy"" now there is this Bieber chick with ""If I was your boyfriend"""

"What's the difference...? What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar and deer nuts are just under a buck."

"How many Reddit admins does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they like to keep the mods in the dark."

"I'm only drinking two beers. Because I have self control and two beers"