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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she wants another baby and if I play my cards right, I can be the father."

"Don't play with a girl's heart she only has one play with her tits, she has two of those."

"Hey check out this new candle I got. -Sweet. What flavor is it? I think you mean 'what scent is it?' *with a mouthful of candle wax* -What?"

"After Iran and Saudi Arabia cut ties Iranians stopped praying towards Mecca ... all their prayers are going to go to Spam anyway"

"What did the dick say to the balls? Hang out here while I go inside."

"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Fish."

"If your cup is half full... You probably need a different bra. P.S. I don't know if this counts as a joke, so sorry in advance. Edit: layout"

"He was next in line at Starbucks. Then she cut in front of him. Liam Neeson in TAKEN 3: SKINNY VANILLA MAYHEM."

"Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ? Pupil: 12 - 2nd January 2nd February...!"

"How to pass a very difficult exam? Change your name to time, time always passes no matter what"