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Joke of the Day

"I murder drifters and use their hair to make little dolls. Oh, you meant at work! My biggest weakness is that I'm a perfectionist.'"

"Your mom is like a shotgun. Two cocks and she's ready to blow."

"Who does the Metric Cult worship? ...Demetre."

"You never know how strong you are until you have to move your furniture all alone."

"You know what's better than being married? Everything."

"My New Years resolution would have been to stop procrastinating so much Except I never got around to writing that one down..."

"How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and one to drink until the room spins."

"Somebody keeps on putting topsoil on my allotment. The plot thickens..."

"Today in an elevator, I got off on my floor, hugged the person next to me & said, ""You seem like a alotta fun. We should keep in touch.""."

"Two cannibals were eating a clown One looks at the other and says ""Hey does this taste funny to you?"""