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Joke of the Day

"Rattlesnakes and condoms Two things I don't fuck with"

"Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the bad part of town? One of them got assaulted."

"Which Marvel superhero is transgender? Ironman, he's a Fe male."

"Why, yes, that is a banana in my pocket! *removes banana* How did you know? *begins to peel & eat banana* I'm still glad to see you though."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call it, it won't come."

"Of course I can tweet, talk on the phone, eat a hamburger, and apply my lipstick. I'm only driving, you know."

"Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to 'Toys For Tots' before you're eligible for an Xbox?"

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his arse"

"What's the difference between a tribe of wild hunting pygmies and a Women's roller derby team? The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts."

"What sound does a bomb make before it goes off? allahu ackbar!!"