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Joke of the Day

"I told my hairdresser to just take a little bit off the top... It makes me more relaxed when I can see her breasts."

"Shout-out to people just out of earshot."

"Time flies when you wake up at noon."

"A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing plastic wrap underwear. Psychiatrist says ""Well, i can clearly see your nuts."""

"I wear lipstick when I go into Walmart so people know I'm not approachable or one of their kind"

"She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time."

"7/11 was a part time job"

"Where can you find a scientist that's into bestiality? In his lab!"

"[phone call] Prank caller: Hi, I'd like to speak to Agood Boi Receptionist: who's Agood Boi? Prank caller: lol *tail goes nuts*"

"I was just eating cashews and one of them fell into my bra. Is it still a cashew or is it a chestnut now?"