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Joke of the Day
"The Walking Dead Season Finale Check back in six months for the punchline."
Next Joke
"Me: What's one thing you don't like about your girlfriend? Him: She doesn't swallow. Me: What? How does she eat?"
"6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower? Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?"
"What did the snail say riding on the turtles back WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch."""
"So I'm ordering a coffee... I tell the barista, ""French Roast, two sugars, no cream."" The barista responds, ""I'm sorry sir we're all out of cream, would you like your coffee without any milk instead?"""
"Why can't you talk to spiders who get shut in pianos? They'll B flat"
"LIKE if you've already broke one of your New Year's Resolutions."
"Catch a baby opossum, give it a 12-hr sedative, and hide it in the glove compartment of the car of the person who's dating your ex."
"I told a girl she would look better with her hair back and she got really offended. Chemo patients are so sensitive."