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Joke of the Day

"Why are oceans so salty? Because the Earth is always tilted."

"A pack of coyotes shrieking at 3:12 AM is less unsettling if you instead imagine it's a bachelorette party that just got a limo upgrade."

"What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison."

"Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me."

"[furniture store] Wife: We're putting in a bar. Salesman: OK Wife: And... S: Yes? W: Go ahead, say it. Me: WE'RE GONNA NEED A STOOL SAMPLE."

"What is it called when your crush has a crush on you too? Imagination."

"my Liam Nissan is missing from the parking lot it's been taken 2014"

"My uncle went to Ireland on holidays but didn't have time to go to Clare. He really wanted to see Moher"

"What do you get when you have sex with the Quaker Oats guy? Oatmeal Creme Pies."

"""If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace"" (from the back) He saw Creed live in 2003"