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Joke of the Day

"It probably seems like I'm listening to your story, but I'm really thinking, ""close your fucking menu or the waiter will never come over."""

"I think Jesus is black Because he is our father and hasn't come back yet"

"If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case."

"Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years."

"""Don't touch the floor. The floor is the lava"" Pompeii, 79 AD"

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don't call it Liam then what is even the point of you"

"*girl calls me daddy* *hammer appears in my hand* ""oh no"" *I start building a deck* ""what have you done"" *grill turns itself on*"

"A girl goes to the doctor, he takes out his stethoscope and says ""okay, big breaths."" To which the girl says ""yeah, and I'm only thixteen."""

"What do you call a bee that comes from the United States? USB."

"Why did the skull not want to go to prom, but still did? He didn't have any *body* to go with But he still really wanted to bone."