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Joke of the Day

"""Don't touch the floor. The floor is the lava"" Pompeii, 79 AD"

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"How do blind people know when they're done wiping?"
"If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The Swallow"
"What do you call a homosexual on roller skates.. Rolaids. I'll see my out guys."
"Why did the raisin go to the police? Because, he was a grape victim."
"The girl saw he had big hands and big feet... She thinks it over a minute, and invites herself to his house for the night. As she's leaving, she says ""Well, two out of three ain't bad!"""
"My signature sex move is flirting like a pornstar then getting awkward as fcuk once it looks like something could actually happen."
"The ladder A man was trapped in a burning building and a firefighter yelled through the window, ""You have two possible exit points, this ladder or the stairs."" The man chose the latter. He died."
"We're working on saving our second million. The first one didn't go so well."
"I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around. They said no and slammed the door. My parents can be so rude..."