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Joke of the Day

"If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in."

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"What did ISIS say after the terrorist attack? Nice"
"Did you hear that they are rebooting the show Six Feet Under? I heard that Robin Williams will be starring in it"
"There are several factors when talking about the meaning of life. 2, 3, and 7"
"(NSFW) Coors Light is like having sex in a canoe. Fucking close to water."
"Why don't you get back in your little car with lights and pull over someone who cares."
"[me telling a joke] guy wearing a ""Make America Great Again"" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand."
"What's the difference between PHP and PCP? One makes you: * feel numb * see things that aren't there * panicked and paranoid * feel loss of control over your actions. The other is a synthetic drug."
"I'm just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again."
"Q: What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? A: If either one of them end up on there back they are both f*cked."