91052

Joke of the Day

"My teacher told me I should stop being consecutively late to school... I guess she can't handle people who are Re-tardy."

"Guess who I bumped into at the opticians? Everybody"

"On 3. Ready? One. Two. Three. *Both show rock Again! *Both show rock Again! *Both show rock Again! Caveman: This game is stupid."

"In extremely rare cases women have been known to sleep with me."

"[spelling bee finals] JUDGE: your word is ""asterisk"" KID: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: *adjusts mic* yes"

"Why did the director get kicked out of the bar? He was making a scene!"

"What do you call Mariah Carey when she eats at a Indian restuarant? Mariah Curry"

"Why was Adele underneath a cow? So she could say ""hello from the udder side"""

"Know any good DJ jokes? This is the only good one I know: ""Why don't DJs play pool? They always scratch."""

"[me narrating a documentary about whales] look at these useless fat rubber sea pigs"