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Joke of the Day
"My cat and my paraplegic stepdad are so similar. Neither like being tossed in the neighbor's pool."
Next Joke
"[couple who talks via walkie talkie] GIRL: [into walkie] this relationship is over, over GUY: *cries into walkie* it's roger isn't it?? over"
"Have you ever tried North Korean food? [Neither have they](#s)"
"If the Trader Joe's cashier doesn't say ""I love these"" about anything you're buying, you have to put it all back and start over. #sorrybro"
"there are naturally attractive people and then there are people like me who take pictures from good angles with the right lighting"
"Never let your children play in an orchestra. Too much sax and violins. * Credit to maxwell bot."
"Imagine you're about to have surgery and right before the anesthesia kicks in you notice a ""University of Phoenix"" degree on the wall"
"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang a picture! Happy Easter!"
"I'm married, but not ""pass up the opportunity to sleep with Thor"" married. Or Wolverine. Or Captain America. Or Jennifer Aniston..."
"you may have noticed my signature fedora, my signature has a little fedora drawn on it to look like it is wearing one"