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Joke of the Day
"My cat and my paraplegic stepdad are so similar. Neither like being tossed in the neighbor's pool."
Next Joke
"a bird doesnt sing becuase it has an answer. it sings becuase birds are jerks who like to hear the sound of their own voice"
"How do you milk a sheep? With iPhone periph**e**rals."
"Did you hear about the incestuous hotdogs? They say they're in bread."
"Roses on your piano What's better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ."
"trolls have found a terrible new way to antagonize me. it is called ""retweeting"" and it works by exposing my posts to scammers & crumb bums."
"[shipwreck diary] Day 32: a plane flew over last night but I fired the only flare on day 5 to celebrate my first solid shit in over a week"
"My dad used to beat me... At tic-tac-toe."
"My handicapped girlfriend claimed she could arouse me at any moment but it's hard when she can't move an inch"
"I'm not a racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people."