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Joke of the Day

"If the Trader Joe's cashier doesn't say ""I love these"" about anything you're buying, you have to put it all back and start over. #sorrybro"

"I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a woman, but I felt better after I found out she was a man. Then sad again because we had sex."

"It's not that I don't like drinking, it's just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I'm sober."

"What's the difference between a Grayhound station and a lobster who got a boob job? Ones a crusty ass bus station, the other is a busty ass crustacean."

"My wife has a memory like an elephant I just wish she didn't look like one"

"Knock Knock Knock! Knock! -Who's there? Hanna. -Hanna who? Hanna partridge in a pear tree"

"I'm not racist because racism is a crime... And crimes are for black people."

"What do Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common? They both say insert bill here"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He can't come anyways."

"Why was Karl Marx arrested for brewing a cup of Earl Grey? Because all proper tea is theft."