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Joke of the Day

"911, what's your emergency? What do you mean you've been stabbed? People can't do that, that's illegal."

"Damn you titties, stop being so glorious. Your owner is trying to tell me something and I need to make eye contact."

"I think I'm going to start taking helium People are speaking very highly of it."

"Pretty disappointed to find out that ""Toys for Tots"" isn't a program where I trade my kids's toys for delicious tater tots."

"How do you piss off a transgender? I'm sure the title will be enough to do it."

"Sold my wife on ebay. Dreading the buyer feedback."

"Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat."

"What do you call a camel in a car? A camel auto!"

"What's the official title for the Poopsmith's boss? We feel like we have the best two answers, and there's disagreement over who's is best."

"Breaking news! Cannot unsee! Mathematicians find 2-1=0!"