90705

Joke of the Day

"Sorry I'm shit faced Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen? There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn."

"""My anger began to flow through me like hot mountain sweat.."" Um, don't you mean ""Lava""? ""...like warm hill pee"""

"It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it."

"My mother-in-law said that we should stay an extra day if it's too snowy to drive. SOMEONE LEND ME A SALT TRUCK."

"Told a female Redditor my dick was long... She asked ""we talkin' 'r/TIFU' long or 'r/Jokes' long?"" TIFU by saying Jokes...."

"If online bullying has taught us anything..... It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight!!"

"I had sex with a prostitute last night... It turned out to be a rash decision."

"Sir, on a scale of 1 to drunk, where would you say you stand? I'll sit"

"Why was the obtuse triangle upset? Because he is never right."

"Wait till the hamburglar finds out about money"