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Joke of the Day

"You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health? I'm voting for the dying one."

"Cops would catch more drunk drivers if they just stood outside with signs that say HONK IF YOU'RE WASTED!"

"*Santa lifts a rug while sweeping and finds a dusty, crumpled note* ""Please keep my family safe, love Bruce Wayne."" *Santa grows very pale*"

"I couldn't get tickets for the Plan B concert. So I had to go with my first choice instead."

"Q: Why did the blonde snort Sweet-n-Low? A: She thought it was Diet Coke."

"What's it called when you get a boner at a funeral? (NSFW) Mourning wood."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bridie ! Bridie who ? Bridie light of the silvery moon !"

"Boss sent me a message the other day: *Send me some funny messages* I replied: *I'm working right now, I will send you later* Boss: *hahaha..send me another one*"

"It's Saturday, so I'm as lazy as the guy who drew the Japanese flag."

"Apologies to General Tso for what I'm about to do to his chicken."