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Joke of the Day

"So I've been trying to sell my Ubermensch Action Figures... But it's difficult to cater to such a Nietszche Market."

"You guys hear about the antique shop owner who liked to have anonymous sex with menstruating women? Nobody could tell which period his dick was from."

"Waiter my lunch is talking to me ! Well you did ask for a tongue sandwich !"

"Why was the dolphin sad? He had no porpoise in life."

"Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but fcuk me the pass the parcel was quick!"

"Shout out to octopi. The spiders of the sea since 1981."

"Dicksuckers Cramp Guy 1: ""You know what this face is?"" *Holds mouth open in an O* Guy 2: ""No, what?"" Guy 1: ""Dicksuckers Cramp, get it?"" Guy 2: ""Yeah"" Guy 1: ""How often?"""

"US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today."

"Why is the Joker's makeup like a whitewashed tomb, his lips like torn paper, his eyes like burning suns? Because when he was young, the Joker's father said ""Let's put a simile on that face!"""

"I'd like to say that ALL quilts are great... ...but I try to avoid making blanket statements."