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Joke of the Day

"[First person to ride a horse] 'I'm going to sit on that thing and I don't care how angry it gets.'"

"Talking with a 17 year-old who is 'living life with no regrets' reminds me of that time I got in a shouting match with a trout."

"What do astronomers do when they have nowhere else to turn? They default in our stars"

"I've always wanted to own a funeral home.... With the slogan, ""We love it when business is dead."""

"I call my penis ""Batman"". Girls love it when the Dark Knight Rises."

"I was going to say a joke about Sodium. . But Na."

"Why can't single women fart Because they don't have an asshole until they're married."

"I'm not fat! My DNA's just bold font."

"Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets."

"Relationship status: Sitting in Home Depot parking lot, car hood open, and asking men if they can jump me."