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Joke of the Day

"I can understand leaving a baby unattended-- but your phone!!"

"My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. So, I got drunk."

"I was at a antique store and came across the first Playboy magazine ever issued...... Luckily, the owner didn't see me."

"PATIENT: Someone gave me pills at a party and my stomach hurts DR: We took x-rays. You have spongy dinosaurs expanding inside you right now"

"I caught a lot lizard the other day.... Keeping it in a cage with hot rocks till i figure out what to feed it..."

"It's ironic that pregnant people have to order virgin drinks."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number; you've probably never heard of it."

"A pirate walks in a bar... A pirate walks in a bar with a paper towel on his head, the bartender says ""whats with that"" the Pirate says ""ARR!! I have Bounty on me head"""

"It's greats having your doctor say you're narcissistic. It's like being compared to the stuff of legends."

"Tsipras and Varoufakis now have a mandate. They will probably go for some retsina and gyros and perhaps catch a movie afterwards."