90198

Joke of the Day

"[getting pulled over] Me: R u a bear cop? Bear cop: Is that a problem? Me: As long as you're not a maul cop *mauls me for bad pun*"

"You can have any movie from Rick Astley's Pixar collection, except for one He's never gonna give you Up. ^^^^^^sorrynotsorry"

"I see bed, people."

"How do I know you're not John Cena? I can see you"

"I was at a Pakistani owned gas station... There was some sort of problem with my debit card at the pump. I know this because a message popped up that said ""PLEASE SEE KASHIR."""

"How can anyone focus on world peace when we can't even get everyone to use the same date format?"

"A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog stand And says ""Make me one with everything."""

"What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large."

"ME: bartender. another. BARTENDER: but you just- ME: *slams fist on bar* ANOTHER [bartender reluctantly hands me another moist towelette]"

"My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs."