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Joke of the Day

"The other day the lifeguard told me to stop peeing in the pool... I got such a fright I nearly fell in."

"*Ghost snatches phone from me* ""Who you gonna call now?"""

"I heard a group of pedophiles dressed up as superheroes and molested kids at birthday parties . Apparently they called themselves the Justkids League ."

"A toast to wives, girlfriends, and lovers. May they never meet."

"What do you call a sinking ship full of condiments? Sinko de Mayo"

"Yea autocorrect....I wanna luck your puddy and flick you in the asks. Perfect"

"A priest, an Imam, and a Rabbi walk into a bar... The bartender looks up and says: ""What is this, some kinda joke?"""

"I was injured in a violent mugging this afternoon. On the plus side, I did make $23 and I think this old lady's watch looks really good on me."

"There's an alternate universe where we are together and finally happy. And I probably forgot to take out the trash there, too."

"Why can't you have sex with a nun? Jesus already saved her for later."