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Joke of the Day

"I'm not all that concerned about Celine Dion's recent losses. I'm pretty sure her heart will go on."

"What do you get when you mix a monkey and a midget? Tom Cruise"

"[Ventriloquist Mafia] ""Oh we have ways of making people talk."""

"What starts with ""W"" and ends with ""ife""? Nevermind, this riddle is too easy."

"I've been so drunk that homeless people give me their footlong sub. When they give it to me they whisper, ""Get your shit together, rookie."""

"My company issues user id's to its new employees based on the 1st letter of their 1st name and the 1st 3 letters of their last name. I feel sorry for my new coworker Tim Watson."

"What's the difference between a prostitute and jesus? The face they make when you nail them."

"What do you call a person who only speaks one language? American."

"How to be a douche bag game-show host. Host: Another word for ""overtake""? Contestant: Pass. Host: Wrong. The correct answer would be ""pass""."

"A Blind Man Walked Into A Bar... and a table."