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Joke of the Day

"What starts with ""W"" and ends with ""ife""? Nevermind, this riddle is too easy."

"*Really attractive person waves at me in their car*-*I wave back enthusiastically*-*realizes they were just putting their visor down*"

"How does a handwriting analyst determine how his lover is feeling? He looks into his lover's 'I's."

"I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles."

"Well played, super clean sliding glass door I thought I'd left open. Well played."

"*turns on internet* computor, i need to take a break from trying to achieve one thing. show me all of the achievments of others all at once"

"When a raccoon stands up and cracks his knuckles, stop shaving him immediately."

"Why does it take more than a million sperms to fertilize one egg? 1) Female Ego... Rejection without Reason! 2) Male Ego... Won't Ask For Directions!"

"16 zombie actors injured on movie set. Saddly no one noticed for 3 hours."

"Father's Day Fun: 1) Walk up to a complete stranger at lunch with his family. 2) Hug him. 3) Tell him 'Happy Father's Day dad'! 4) Run."