89760

Joke of the Day

"What time of day is the saddest? The mourning"

"Bernie Sanders is such a socialist... ...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa."

"Who steals from the poor and gives to the rich? Robbin' hood"

"Being nice to people who don't deserve it is exhausting, but the feeling at the end of the day, when you're not in jail for murder, is nice."

"So a girl stopped to tell me that I'm full of myself I'm pretty sure she was just jealous that she wasn't full of my..self"

"I'm think about taking up Jousting so I have something to talk about at awkward dinner parties."

"If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth ... ... then it is at least somewhat likely that something very gay is going into your mouth at one point in time or another. Get it?"

"[date] Date: I thought your Tinder profile said you were a gym owner Me *eating a hotdog and scanning for Pokemon*: yes that's correct"

"Who called it a vasectomy and not a cull de sack?"

"Why is the U.S dollar getting stronger? Fiscal therapy"