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Joke of the Day

"A man and his wife find an S & M magazine under their son's bed. Mom says ""This is horrible, what should we do?"" Dad replies, ""Well we can't spank him!"""

"[sprains my ankle] Doc: does it hurt when you put pressure on it? Me: Let me check Me: [to ankle] c'mon dude try it, it's only one cigarette"

"My son can't handle going to camp this year. It's in tents"

"I just got back from my best friend's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service."

"100 Ways to contact me; 1. Call me. 2. Tweet me. 3. Txt me.... 95.Drums and smoke signals 100.Facebook"

"Did you dream of me, baby? -Are you a swimming pool full of Lucky Charms & milk? No, silly. -Then no."

"What do prisoners use to talk to each other? Cell phones."

"I hate pitchers ...They always throw games"

"What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson? The vacuum has the dirtbag on the inside."

"if ur in a horror movie scenario, a fun way to throw off the ghosts is to put a bed sheet over ur head and say ""i too am a spooky ghost"""