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Joke of the Day

"Having heard that Steve Jobs is in hospital with only his Ipad to comfort him I've decided to release the cure for pancreatic cancer into the public domain. But only in flash."

"Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he was fat and ugly and no one liked him"

"What did earth say to the other planets? You guys have no life!"

"What did one bag of shit say to the other bag of shit? ""Ugh, stop standing so colostomy."""

"Bad Cop: The proof is in the pudding. Good Cop: Stop putting all our evidence in pudding. Why do you keep putting our evidence in pudding?"

"A man walks into a psychiatrist ...and says ""Doctor, help me! Im a wigwam and a teepee!"" The doctor says ""Son. Sit down and relax. You're two tents."""

"Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman"

"""i like the little round slices of shitty hard bread in chex mix. that's actually my favorite part"" -a monster"

"Last week I was with a midget prostitute. I payed her $20 to go up on me."

"Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing."