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Joke of the Day

"Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman"

"The fattest man in Britain has sadly died. Cremation will be held at 12PM on Wednesday..... and Thursday..... and Friday."

"I T H I N K W E S H O U L D R U I N P E O P L E S T I M E L I N E B Y T W E E T I N G L I K E T H I S A L L D A Y . . . . ."

"Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt shaker yet ? Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through all those little holes !"

"I called a Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims."

"Apparently ""if you must draw your eyebrows on, please draw them evenly"" was not the tip this waitress was expecting."

"Your mama so FAT32 She always takes 4096 bytes"

"Why does bread not have eyebrows? Because it's bread."

"What do pirates call fat whores? LAND HO!"

"Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies? Duh. Cause he's da foe."