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Joke of the Day

"Who called them ""homo erectus'"" and not... Wait, that's actually pretty funny. Good job guy who named them ""homo erectus'"""

"So this guy is on a date with this hot chick, after a while, weird sh*t starts happening..."

"Don't model myself after Marilyn Monroe, but having imperfections & dying naked in bed clutching bottles of pills & champagne seems doable."

"Home Alone 3: Take the Hint, Kevin"

"do you think my parents divorced because I'm too handsome like they said"

"Why do girls have to get periods? Why can't Mother Nature just text us and be all like ""yo bitch, you ain't pregnant. Catch ya next month homegirl""."

"So if you never eat meat or dairy you must never throw up, because what happens in Vegans--ow stop hitting me."

"I hope the members of Chumbawmba have those Life Alert bracelets, you know, in case they finally can't get up again."

"Psychic convention canceled due to unforeseen circumstances"

"Guy in Car: get out of my way idiot Guy in Crosswalk: pedestrians have the right of way Car Guy: this ain't Pedestria buddy this is America"