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Joke of the Day

"I'm at that age where food makes me fat."

"My girlfriend is ridiculously good at deepthroating... It's actually not that great because she only gets to do it when she cheats on me with black guys."

"I wouldn't want to live forever. I don't even want to stay at a party past eleven."

"Which company saw the end of disco coming from a mile away? Discover."

"What did the astronaut see on his skillet? Unidentified frying (flying) objects."

"[shipwreck diary] Day 3: dude next to me can hold his breath for 3 days. Going on 4. Very impressive."

"What do you call a mexican midget? A paragraph... Because he's not a full essay"

"There's two things I don't fuck with... Rattlesnakes. And Condoms."

"Beer foam is the opposite of memory foam."

"When the side effect of a quit smoking aid is suicide, they really mean their guarantee that you'll stop smoking."