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Joke of the Day

"Bud light is like having sex in a canoe It's fucking close to water."

"My cat sits on my lap while I use the bathroom She cuddles the shit out of me."

"LPT: Never tell a sound technician how they are doing. They hate feedback."

"I always post things in the right sub. I guess you could say I do it subconsciously."

"How many retards does it take to change a light bulb? Well, line up so that I can find out.."

"My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed. It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold."

"A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river... The brunette yells across, ""Help me get to the other side of the river!"" The blonde yells back, ""You *are* on the other side of the river!"""

"How do you make a German shepherd? Put him in a synagogue."

"I cannot breath, walk, or bend over but DAYUM these skinny jeans look good."

"I see there's going to be a new PeeWee Herman movie on Netflix. It's a good thing it won't be in theaters."