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Joke of the Day

"Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby? Because he was a little chili (Actually came up with this while making chili)"

"What do you call a picture of Simon Pegg's brother? JPEG"

"This is an emergency! *Begs to borrow strangers phone *starts scrolling through pics"

"What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida? In da-Nile"

"Be back in a few days. Gotta shave my legs for spring. But, before I go, what's the best way to sharpen hedge trimmers?"

"I'm writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There's a lovely key change at the end."

"What would you name a star wars movie featuring Pluto? This is really just a bad pun, but to me those are the best kind of jokes Pluto strikes from the back and destroys Uranus."

"My girl told me she's depressed. Because of her weight, she suffers discrimination. I told her ""Just ignore them. You're bigger than that."""

"There are two kinds of people: Those who know how to do math in binary, and those who don't!"

"Did you guys hear about the CEO of Reddit? I heard he's a great guy."