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Joke of the Day

"Person I tried to rob describing me to the police: ""long hair, wearing pajamas, honestly she didn't seem very committed to it."""

"A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ""I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."""

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use the restroom? Because the *p* is silent"

"Another Twilight movie? God I hope Abraham Lincoln shows up and slays every last one of them."

"My Grandpa has a French rifle from WWII It was never fired, but it was dropped once."

"The first rule of Chinese Whispers Club is... ...don't talk about Tiny Whiskers Grub"

"I wonder if girls got mad on dates in the 1700?s because guys kept checking their treasure maps."

"What does the man with two left feet ask the shoe salesman? ""Do you sell flip-flips?"""

"Money is the root of all evil, until the collection plate comes around"

"Having hearing problems? Turn down the volume on your porn. Problem solved!"