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Joke of the Day

"Person I tried to rob describing me to the police: ""long hair, wearing pajamas, honestly she didn't seem very committed to it."""

"I like my slaves like I like my coffee Fair Trade."

"Why were there only 3 thousand Mexicans at the Alamo They could only find three minivans"

"A T-100 is sent back to 2016 to terminate Trump and Clinton. Who survives? Not the next redditor to post a fucking 'America' version of the disaster set up."

"What do you get when you put a woman's face on a $10 bill? $2.23 in change."

"OneTwoTheee cat and UnDuTwa cat had a swimming race. OneTwoThree cat won... Because UnDuTwa cat sank. I'll see myself out."

"[Racist?] Why do all Asian kids get straight A's? Because the ones that don't are never heard from again. I'll be here all day folks."

"Wife: you're so damn forgetful! M: oh nonsense! W: ok, did you get the cat food? M: WE HAVE A CAT??"

"If 2 wrongs don't make a right, what do 2 rights make? An airplane."

"Send message without subject? Yes, Gmail. f$ck off."