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Joke of the Day

"Just once I'd like to make it through a game of mini golf without having to smash someone's windshield out with the putter"

"Have you heard about President Clinton's plan to secretly bomb eastern Ukraine? He called it the ""Donetsk, Don't Tell"""

"*tries to flirt* *twirls hair in fingers* *fingers get caught in giant knot* *learns to live using only one arm*"

"My favorite part of going out on the weekend is the 95% of it spent checking my phone."

"I prefer masturbating with coconut oil as opposed to lotion It just cums naturally."

"Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight!!"

"It takes a second..... Two guys walk into a bar.... you think the second would have noticed. HA."

"*Invents silent snack packages. *Becomes president of the United States."

"Yeah I can take a hint. I'm not going to though."

"Argument with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement... . . . . . At the end, you ignore everything and click 'I agree'."