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Joke of the Day

"A sales assistant advised me on the liquor to buy for the holiday season recently She was my spirit guide."

"After a long and tough discussion, my wife and I decided to go with adoption. Let the little shits be someone else's problem."

"Can a ninja throw a star? Shuriken"

"Have y'all heard that new hot rapper with Muscular Dystrophy? ""TWO CAAAAAAAAAAAAANES!"""

"Hitler Where did Hitler keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"-911 what's your emergency? -People are pronouncing it EX-presso."

"How do telegraph operators apologize? Remorse code"

"Marriage, Or as I like to call it; The wonder years Wonder why she is mad this time Wonder why my stuff is on the lawn"

"""It got weird, didn't it? "" *Leaves on a pogo stick.*"

"Just found out today that the barber of my neighborhood got arrested for selling drugs. I'm shocked! I was his customer for years and didn't know he cut hair!"