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Joke of the Day

"What does a owl say when it stumps it foot? OOOOOWWWWLLLL...."

"I have seagull managers. They swoop in, screech like hell, shit all over everything, then fly away."

"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but ... I soon realized that toucan play at that game."

"Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies."

"why do woman get periods? because they deserve them"

"My problem is I take things too literally. Like when my wife said she'd give an arm and a leg to lose weight."

"There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today."

"If I had a dollar for every time one of my kids said ""Mom, you're not funny"", I could buy a beach house. And live by myself."

"How many Donald Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they've invented torches."

"I told my dad that I was having trouble getting all my homework done... So he told me, ""if you wait til the last minute, it'll only take a minute"""