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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every time one of my kids said ""Mom, you're not funny"", I could buy a beach house. And live by myself."

"Why did the liberal go to the gynecologist? She was feelin' the Bern!"

"HER: I like talking during sex, but I can't stand it when you narrate the whole thing ME: As she complains, I begin removing my pants slowly"

"Be alert! The world needs more lerts"

"Just buckled a bottle of Tito's Vodka into the backseat of my car, so I obviously know what it's like to be a mom."

"how to beat an egg: - literally pick any game you want, they dont even have hands"

"Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful? Because they were set in stone."

"What is a robots favorite sex position? 1000101"

"My dad used to beat me every night HORSE, chess, Super Mario.."

"whats red and bangs on the window? A baby in the microwave"