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Joke of the Day
"I went to a zoo and there was only one animal... It was a 'Shih Tzu'"
Next Joke
"What do a thong bikini and Donald's Trump's hair have in common. They both barely cover the asshole. (gota give Seth Myer credit for this one)."
"[elementary school] BULLY: gimme your lunch money ME: no B: *grabs me by shirt* I said give it M: ok but this has to stop I'm your teacher"
"Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey. Johnny said with confidence ""the desk""."
"What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale!"
"You know the difference between Sadistic and Masochistic? No one has ever called me a masochistic son of a bitch."
"I wonder if the coach of the opposing team on Air Bud got fired when he explained to the principal how a golden retriever outscored his team"
"I hope one day they invent a car named ""The S-Car"" Because everyone will see it and say, ""Look at that S-Car go!"""
"If I were a waitress, I'd be planting fake engagement rings in every girl's food, just to see their boyfriends panic."
"At a wedding where the minister told everyone to stand next to the person who makes life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled."