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Joke of the Day

"""I'm Bill Gates, today I'll teach you how to count to 10"" 1, 2, 3, NT, 95, 98, 2000, Me, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10"

"Waiter there is a cockroach on my steak ! They don't seem to care what they eat do they sir !"

"Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't? A: Her navel."

"You know you're on Twitter too much when you start learning the news from the jokes."

"I just had a baby! It was delicious."

"*at church* ""Does anyone have anything else for the offering basket?"" I OFFER MY FIRST BORN CHILD ""Jim no"""

"I cuss around my kids so they understand proper useage, timing and inflection. Vocabulary is power."

"I don't know why beer companies bother with an expiration date... it's never going to make it anywhere near that."

"What do you call a porno set in space. Apollo 13 inches"

"If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom"