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Joke of the Day

"If you gave me a blowjob while in the shower, I'd probably shampoo and condition your hair while you do it."

"My wife and I only disagree on the small things, like the importance of my happiness and whether anything I say matters."

"Nothing angers me more than a prematurely broken shell in my Taco Kit."

"Why won't Monica Lewinsky be voting for Hillary? Because the last Clinton presidency left a very bad taste in her mouth."

"A new zoo opened up in my town, but it only has one dog. It's a shih tzu"

"I just burned 2000 calories... That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap!!!"

"Did you hear about the Rabbi who made his own fireworks? He called them Mazel Tov Cocktails ^(I am **so** sorry) ^^I'll ^^see ^^myself ^^out."

"Ever hear of that cat turned vegan because of its vegan owner? Probably not, she died."

"What is Hitler's least favorite month? Jew-ly EDIT: how about jan-jew-ary, or jewne?"

"I wish you were my big toe So I could bang you on my coffee table"