8803

Joke of the Day

"Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide."

"40 days after Christmas Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her for Christmas and it's still printing."

"Her: Let's read your horoscope... Do you believe in astrology? Me: No. That's such a scam. Well, at least that's what my psychic says."

"What's the difference between getting the girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car? How pissed your wife gets when you explain the coat hanger."

"Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? Classical Conditioning (told by my psychologist student friend that is not on reddit, so all credit to him)"

"I'm a guy that loves to show a woman exactly what I like sexually. So I start off every first date with a 2-hour PowerPoint presentation."

"Is that a star tattoo. Saw my first porn the other day. I was a lot younger back then."

"What's the difference between a everyone and a bullet? Everyone misses Harambe."

"Bought a Clap-On Clap-Off light for my bedroom Nearly gave the hooker a seizure during a rough session."

"The most dire of Jay-Z's 99 problems is his inability to properly delegate minor problems."