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Joke of the Day

"Her: Let's read your horoscope... Do you believe in astrology? Me: No. That's such a scam. Well, at least that's what my psychic says."

"Imagine if Trump becomes President and we are invaded by aliens. Alien: Take us to your leader. America: *Looks ashamed* Are you sure?"

"Eddie's father called up to him 'Eddie if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!' Eddy replied 'I think you are already I stopped playing half an hour ago.'"

"One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there's never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle."

"It's going to take 14 years to put Harriet on the $20? I've got a friend in Chesterfield Square who can print some off in an hour.."

"Judge: Do you mix horse meat with chicken? Defendant: Yes, my lord..... Judge; How much. Def: 50:50 Jud: Please elaborate. Def: **One horse to one chicken.**"

"I wonder if I could fit my entire body inside a woman's. Through her mouth. Penis-first."

"Hillary Clinton and Nickelback are on a boat and it capsizes, who survives? America"

"I ask myself, what city has the most feminists? Manhatin'"

"Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!"