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Joke of the Day

"What is the sound of a homophobic magician? ""POOF!"""

"Don't you hate it when... you spend thirty minutes searching for a video, only to close it two minutes later."

"What did the Chinese man say when he found out his mother died? I can't bereave it!"

"What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be ""Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division""."

"I think my daughter might turn out to be the next Martin Scorsese! (Her eyebrows are fucking terrifying)"

"Looking at your innocent 5 year old now, I bet you can't imagine him drinking and taking drugs. Just you wait. First grade can be brutal."

"What was the Preacher turned Drill Seargent's favorite command? Present Alms!"

"What did the witch say to the ugly toad? I'd put a curse on you - but somebody beat me to it!"

"Q: You're sailing on a boat with a pack of cigarettes, but do not have a fire source, what do? A: Throw one overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter."

"Me: WHAT DO WE WANT?! Him: ""Nothing. I'm good."" WHEN DO WE WANT IT? ""Seriously, knock it off."" I GOT A NEW BULLHORN! ""I can see that.."