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Joke of the Day

"Falling vending machines kill more people per year than sharks. I've never even seen a shark near a vending machine."

"Did you hear the one about the two guys who voted no? Neither did aye."

"I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, ""I'm peeing in here!"" Fucking b*tch."

"So a man robbed an underwear store... ...and the perpetrator was arrested briefly."

"wife: Did you get the cat out of the tree? me [bleeding] Wasn't a cat"

"A buddy of mine told me he thinks I'm OCD the other day... I told him he was out of his place."

"Me: I'm going across the street to get a beer. Priest: You can't bring a beer in here. This is a church. Me: I can if it's in my stomach."

"How can you tell if a mechanic went home for lunch? One of his fingers is clean"

"How are cancer and pregnancy similar? They can both be fixed with intense radiation therapy."

"Request: Your best British vs American jokes Reading jokes it occurs to me how different humour is on the other side of the pond. What's your favourite British vs American jokes?"