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Joke of the Day

"Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside"

"You can tell a lot about a person.. by not keeping their secrets."

"My only fetish is for pasta I guess you could call it fetichinni..."

"My kid throwing her toast out the car window was more badass than anything I've done in the last 10 years."

"My younger dog can go to sleep in about 4 seconds. The older one takes about 6 because she's got more shit to worry about, I guess."

"3 guys walk into a bar The 4th one ducks."

"What did the suicide bomber say when he saw a naked girl for the first time? Nothing. He just exploded."

"I tweet because it's fun and I like the validation, but also because one day it'll prove to a jury how crazy I am."

"What's so dark about blonde jokes? They still haven't figured out how to screw in the lightbulb"

"What was the difference between C# and VB About 6 months."