87759

Joke of the Day

"*gets home from game* ""whoa what happened to your eye"" I was on the Kiss Cam ""oh she wasn't into it?"" with the t-shirt cannon guy's daughter"

"In my experience, less than 40% of people wearing ""Duke"" sweatshirts are actual dukes"

"I don't know many football players except... The one with the Messi hair"

"What do a marriage and superglue have in common? They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol."

"How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all your booze? You invite two of them."

"What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting."

"[puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart] Ma'am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly. [slowly puts second tub in cart]"

"My brother was in a car accident yesterday... and lost both his left arm and left leg. Actually, he's my half brother. He's all right now."

"How many Emos does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter because there is no light, only dark."

"<-- Pops double collar and eats hamburger with a fork and knife"