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Joke of the Day

"*gets home from game* ""whoa what happened to your eye"" I was on the Kiss Cam ""oh she wasn't into it?"" with the t-shirt cannon guy's daughter"

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"In my experience, less than 40% of people wearing ""Duke"" sweatshirts are actual dukes"
"I don't know many football players except... The one with the Messi hair"
"What do a marriage and superglue have in common? They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol."
"How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all your booze? You invite two of them."
"What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting."
"[puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart] Ma'am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly. [slowly puts second tub in cart]"
"My brother was in a car accident yesterday... and lost both his left arm and left leg. Actually, he's my half brother. He's all right now."
"How many Emos does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter because there is no light, only dark."
"<-- Pops double collar and eats hamburger with a fork and knife"