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Joke of the Day

"What do a marriage and superglue have in common? They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol."

"What do you tell a person with two swollen eyes ? Nothing, you already told 'em twice."

"What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...? Turkey"

"The longest relationship I had was 10 days. Then she deflated."

"What did one orange say to the other orange? Do you speak Mandarin?"

"*walks into confessional, closes door and sits down* Me: Alright. Look alive over there, Father, I've had a pretty wild week..."

"Nobody under the age of 23 has any recollection of life before the internet. I hope that fact makes you vomit like it did me."

"What is a Mexicans favourite sport? Cross-Country"

"Damn girl, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple... And if you were a vegetable, I'd visit you in the hospital every day"

"If a meteor goes to a restaurant, Would he prefer his sandwich to be vegan, or even meteor?"