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Joke of the Day

"No officer I didn't mean to run him over. Yes I saw him but I thought he was my ex, and clearly he is not my ex."

"How many bears would Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could grill bears? None. He'd eat them raw!"

"Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: ""Well, isn't this quaint?"" Day Two: Murder"

"I got offered a job at a kaleidoscope company. I'm looking into it."

"Whats the difference between reddit and 9gag? 3 hours, but it takes 1 day for it to get to Hot"

"What does the world of politics have in common with my toilet? They're both clogged with shit."

"This hammock is the most relaxing thing I've ever had slingshot me point blank into the ground."

"Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church? He wanted to speak in tungsten."

"I've been so drunk that homeless people give me their footlong sub. When they give it to me they whisper, ""Get your shit together, rookie."""

"I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day."