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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I miss my real friends and then I think, screw them, they don't even star my tweets."

"Me have great grammar... Me learnt everything I know from Sesame Street!"

"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."

"What would I do if Future tried talking to me? I'd autotune him out. :)"

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog Your just playing too much croquet!"

"Health level: my credit card company called me about fraud because I bought a vegetable."

"I was masturbating, looked up and saw my mom standing there. I was really freaked out. Because she died 6 years ago."

"What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? Udderly useless."

"Since Fall Out Boy broke up I want to start a female group called Fall Down Girl. There's no singing, we just get wasted and fall down a lot"

"Some people say I have a dark sense of humor. Not as dark as the charred remains of a holocaust victim."