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Joke of the Day
"TIL never give up your seat for a lady, That's how I lost my job as a bus driver."
Next Joke
"The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I'm hoping there's gonna be a sniper."
"[ghost writes YOUR DEAD in condensation on bathroom mirror] ""My dead what?"" [ghost writes *YOU'RE] AAHHHHHHHHHH!"
"I owe my life to Nickelback I got in a horrible car crash and was in 6 month coma. Then the nurse switched the song to Nickelback. I woke up and muted it."
"Why are you even asking me that mom. I love jumping off bridges, either by myself or as a group, you know that."
"[gf takes pregnancy test, starts crying] ""It's negative"" Lemme see it [reads] 'Not prego. Just fat. And ugly' Wow that's really negative"
"French and Wars Why did the French have so many civil wars? So they could win one."
"Pro-lifers Haven't they realised that you have to die to get to Heaven?"
"Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one."
"a 80s movie style montage of me trying on different condoms and my bros keep shaking their heads"